A woman has at least 3 main parameters that attract the attention of men.
The first is her physical beauty.
From a psychological point of view, this is the symmetry of her face and body. In psychological questionnaires on beauty, men usually choose the most beautiful women, those with maximum facial symmetry. Women usually choose those men who show off certain parts of a man's face, such as cheekbones, etc.
There are many explanations for this; you do not make this choice consciously, it is made by your physical body.
Hormones increase in you when you see symmetry in another person, just as, for example, hormones increase in you when you see symmetry in nature (for example, a very large beautiful, symmetrical tree, or lake, etc.).
Symmetry is a natural process that flows through you, just as it flows through everything else in nature.
Women often think that the most important thing is how beautiful they physically look from birth. But that's not true.
Firstly, with the help of clever cosmetic processes, such as simple makeup, you can turn a physically ugly woman into a very beautiful one, and in just half an hour. There are many examples of this on the Internet and on YouTube; every woman can do this herself at home, without any specialists or high costs.
And in this way, you will become more attractive physically, from the point of view of your face.
But that's not all. We remember about the other 2 parameters of a woman’s attractiveness, namely your clothes and your behavior.
Regarding clothes.
Very often women dress unattractively. For example, a girl often dresses in gray or dark colors, and the type of clothing is usually standard. What is common and standard will not stand out, it is simply a law of nature.
To get people to pay attention to you, you need to dress unusually and not standardly.
And here, many women experience a psychological block.
They say “Nikolai, I will feel uncomfortable if I dress differently than I dress now. I dress the way I feel comfortable!”
And I understand you, my dear women. Many stylists constantly face this problem with their clients. I'm not a stylist, I'm a psychologist. As a psychologist, my task is to help a person understand what he wants, how he blocks himself in realizing his desires, and how to overcome these blocks.
Women, like men, are stuck inside their comfort zone, and for many this zone is very small.
They only like certain colors and certain styles of clothing.
And often this combination does not attract attention from men. To attract attention, a woman needs to get out of her comfort zone and start experimenting with her style. This means experimenting with the type of clothing, colors, combinations, etc.
With such experiments, a woman will begin to renew her psychological energy, her perception of the world, her views on the world, her sense of the world and herself.
She will begin to become more free.
Men will feel this and begin to pay attention, since freedom attracts people.
Freedom is one of the ideal psychological archetypes to which every person is drawn. Ancient philosophers (for example Plato) believed that the desire to be free is one of the true desires of the human soul itself.
But many people don’t understand this, they don’t want to expand their comfort zone in relation to their clothes, and then they wonder why few people pay attention to them.
Also, it can be difficult for a woman to wear things of a different style to which she is not accustomed, due to different psychological blocks inside.
For example, the process of introjection is activated. You can find my article and video on introjection here.
Introjection in fashion is when different types of clothing begin to evoke strong opinions that go against those clothes.
For example, a woman does not want to wear skirts for anything, because she thinks that she will look like a “prostitute” in them, and so on.
Very often such introjected ideas are not supported by reality.
That is, a woman’s mind greatly exaggerates negative perceptions. For example, even very modest skirts will be viewed by a woman as vulgar clothing.
Many women have stereotypes that block them.
For example, many people do not like bright colors in clothes, such as red, etc. And the reasons are often internal fear of looking not the way you want, not the way you are used to.
The third factor why men may not pay attention is the woman’s behavior.
Unfortunately, I ran out of time for this article, so it’s very multiple.
A woman can behave femininely, tenderly, flirtatiously, or rudely, critically and cynically. The first behavior will strongly attract men, the second behavior will repel them.
Often women are not entirely aware of how they behave, and this is normal, all people usually are not aware of how they behave. These are all different psychological defenses of the human ego.
Therefore, often even very beautiful women who dress attractively cannot enter into a serious relationship. Men start getting to know them and then disappear and don’t call or make contact anymore. And such women wonder why this is so, what is happening. And the problem is simple, it lies in the third factor of attractiveness, that is, in the way they behave with these men.
I have one such friend, she is very rude to men when she communicates with them, and she doesn’t even realize it, even though she is attractive and dresses stylishly.
But she is lonely, she does not have a serious relationship, although she really wants one. One of the main reasons for this is her rudeness.
And this problem is quite common in modern Western society.
Thank you for your attention, see my other thoughts on this topic in my video at the beginning of this page, and ask any questions below in the comments.
Hello, Tanya!Why do men not pay attention... It is very difficult to give a clear answer to your question, since there is little information about you. The reasons may be different. Let's see which ones:
- Based on what you write about yourself, that you live with your son, some of the men who are initially not ready for a relationship with children are cut off. But it doesn't matter. Still, there are many men who are ready for such a relationship.
- You write that after the divorce there was no serious relationships. This means that men still show interest in you. It's just that for some reason these relationships don't develop. And here, of course, it would be good for you to find out how this relationship began and how it ended in order to understand why this happens. This is clarified in consultation with a psychologist and feedback is given to you on how men may perceive you.
- “Although I won’t say that I’m ugly and stupid.”
Of course, attractive appearance and the presence of intelligence are more likely to start a relationship. But they are not sufficient conditions for the relationship to flow into something more.
In your phrase, I read the following message between the lines: “I’m quite attractive and smart, what else do these men want???” As if you are a little offended by the masculine gender or proud. Perhaps this is not so, but it seemed so to me. And they, men, need a lot more. For example:
- goodwill;
- sincerity;
- willingness to give and receive pleasant emotions;
- accept a person without changing him;
- openly but gently express your desires instead of being offended or waiting for something;
- be able to build relationships on trust, etc. - “It feels like men are not interested in me.”
I have a question regarding this: Are you interested in yourself?
Do you consider yourself an interesting person?
Is there something, an activity, a hobby, an interest that really fascinates you?
Are you bored when alone with yourself?
Because if a person is not interested in himself, he is unlikely to arouse the sustained interest of others. Therefore, if you feel that this may be the case, then perhaps it is worth moving in this direction.
Are there women in the world who cannot please any man on earth? Well, of course not! There are those who receive enough attention, hints and reasons to get acquainted, but not from those men from whom they would like. Then women say about themselves: " Men don't like me"But let's face it. The problem is not that no one in the world likes you. You just don't know how to attract the attention of those who might like you. This is the problem we will deal with further.
Step 1. Get rid of false attitudes
When you once again sadly think about why you are still alone, what reasons first come to mind? Many people believe that it is a matter of age, weight, lack of beauty, money, intelligence or creativity. Sounds like what you think?
There is not an iota of truth in these thoughts, and it’s easy to be convinced of this. Look around and you will see that a variety of women have happy relationships. Many of them, like you, are far from 20 years old; most of them cannot boast of model appearance and an ideal figure, outstanding talents or intelligence. However, they are not alone, which means it’s too early for you to judge yourself. Surely you have caught yourself thinking that you cannot understand how a completely ordinary woman can have a relationship with a successful handsome man. But if they could, why do your shortcomings seem to be the reason for your loneliness?
Lesson to learn 1: loneliness is not a consequence of your imperfection.
Step 2. Decide on your desires
Very often, women who complain about the inattention of men cannot even explain how they imagine the man of their dreams. They reject all opportunities to start a relationship because they understand that this is “not it.” What about “that”?
What man could win your heart? Take a moment to understand which men have attracted you in the past. This will help move away from the stereotypical description of a man in the spirit of “tall, smart, reliable, wealthy.” Even a complete match in these classic parameters does not at all guarantee that you will pay attention to it - it is too abstract a description that does not take into account truly important qualities.
If you remember how the most dizzying relationship in your life began, you will understand that it is not a matter of height, weight or financial capabilities. In fact, we are attracted to confident behavior, a lively mind, easy-going personality, the ability to joke and be happy. Charm is difficult to describe, so often we cannot formulate the important qualities of the future chosen one. But do the traits that really attract you necessarily show up at first sight?
Lesson to learn 2: give up the stereotypes that prevent you from seeing the right man.
It’s not enough to learn to notice those you might like. It is important to learn how to attract the attention of others. Take your time to go on a diet or change your wardrobe. External attractiveness matters, but that's not everything. Let's look at what actually attracts men's sympathy.
- Relaxation and openness.
Tension, stiffness and fussiness are what you may notice in yourself if you lack male attention. It is these qualities that say about a person that he has no time for dating or relationships. Think about it: do you want to stop a person who is in a hurry somewhere with a tense look? How many chances are there to meet his gaze and start a conversation?
Lesson to learn 3: learn to relax and notice the world around you, even if you are just going about your business.
- Optimism.
There is a myth that depressed people seem mysterious, and this attracts attention. But in fact, there is neither a riddle nor a desire to solve it. The life of any adult already has enough problems, and few people would think of dealing with someone else’s bad mood and difficulties. If it is written on your face that everything in your life is not easy, then the most you will get from the world is indifference. No one wants you to make their problems worse with your own.
Lesson to learn 4: Optimistic people seem nicer, so try not only to be, but also to look more positive.
- Passion.
We like people who live with passion. If a person is interesting to himself, he has a better chance of attracting the attention of others. Think about it, what is happening to you? Do you have at least some interest in anything other than everyday trifles and dreams of great love?
Lesson to learn 5: few people would agree to be the center of the universe for another person. This prospect seems romantic to teenagers, but not to mature men. And if in your eyes you can clearly see the longing for the meaning of life, which you are ready to find in the first man you come across, this is repulsive. Kindle the fire of passion for your life and for yourself, then it will be easier for those around you to flock to its light.
Step 4: Make a plan
The next important step is to find a suitable context within which it will be easier for you and the men who may be interested in you to open up.
If you need a romantic man who is capable of subtle feelings, but at the same time you are trying to find him among colleagues who are more likely to be described as “business shark” or “macho,” you are wasting your time. Your problem is that you simply don't meet the men you like.
It is not only the place where you can meet a man that is important. The context is important - a special atmosphere that will help reveal the qualities that are important to you in a man. Do you need someone who is strong and purposeful? Join a gym, but don't forget that a passive viewer won't be able to attract attention. Are you looking for a successful and wealthy person? Think about where such men work and relax.
And, of course, don’t discount the will of chance. Sometimes we meet our soulmate in the most unexpected places.
Lesson to learn 6: help fate bring you together with the man of your dreams. And remember that if you continue to do the same thing, it is foolish to expect a new result.
Step 5: Be Happy
Sometimes, for a wish to come true, you just need to let go of the situation. How would your life be different if you finally met the man of your dreams? Surely, you are planning romantic dates, joint vacation trips and cozy evenings at home. Start living without waiting for the perfect combination of circumstances!
Go on a date with yourself, and maybe someone will want to accompany you along the way. Start to study in practice the menu of cafes and restaurants that you have been planning to go to for a long time, but put off because you don’t have a date. Start traveling. Start loving evenings alone. Many people will want to keep a happy person company.
One last lesson to learn: Don’t put off a happy life until tomorrow! Have you heard the saying “money to money”? The same can be said about happiness.
Often girls suffer from a lack of male attention. She seems to be smart, and pretty, and interesting, and even knows how to cross-stitch, but men still pass by. How can a guy like you and get his attention? There are several possible answers to this question.
Firstly, you need to be original and stand out from the crowd. Wear bright clothes and be feminine. Romantic dresses, slightly frivolous blouses. Smile more. A dejected person with a sour expression will never draw attention to himself, but a light half-smile will add mystery and intrigue the young man.
Secondly, be more proactive. If you like a guy, make eye contact, then smile shyly and look away. This applies unconditionally. Light has never been a problem. Don’t think that a Prince on a white horse will gallop after you, like Sleeping Beauty, give you an unforgettable kiss and take you to overseas countries. Wake up - this is life. Here you need to make your own happiness with your own hands, so flirt, make advances, cast languid glances. Don't be a jerk, try to keep up the conversation with the guy you like. Listen carefully to everything he says, even if you don't understand it. The main thing is to create the illusion of participation.
Thirdly, you need to love yourself. If you are a gray mouse, then no one will cast even a passing glance at you. Presenting yourself correctly is the first step towards success. You need to behave at ease and freely, but at the same time with dignity and independence. Everything: from your gait to your look - should speak of your inaccessibility. And as you know, the forbidden fruit is sweet. This is where the hunter's instinct comes into play.
Fourthly, you need to take care of yourself and take care of your appearance. Yes, there are unattractive girls. This may include disadvantages of the figure as a whole and some facial features. But technological progress plays into the hands of the female sex. Various new cosmetics and devices for figure correction are appearing. If you use medicinal cosmetics, go to a cosmetologist, or exercise, then at least you are well-groomed. Gloss and impeccability of appearance should be your credo, regardless of the time of day or night.
But you shouldn’t consider yourself the root of all problems. You can look at this situation from a different perspective.
Most are shy. They are very afraid of being rejected by the fairer sex. After all, this will hit self-esteem and hurt the Ego. This is what makes them pass by even when there is every chance of making a pleasant acquaintance.
The main thing is not to focus on the problem. Everything is coming. If you are cheerful, smiling, light-hearted and attractive, then very soon a line of fans will line up outside your house.
A girl always wants a representative of the opposite sex to devote time to her. They often wonder: “Why don’t men pay attention to me?” This happens due to the character and upbringing of the girl. However, this situation can be corrected.
Common Causes
Every man chooses a girl whom he considers the best. The appearance and mental abilities of his chosen one are important to him. If she is stupid but beautiful, he will find her very boring. What a man needs from a woman in a relationship:
- Nice appearance. It is not at all necessary to have the appearance of Angelina Jolie, but taking care of yourself is very important. If a girl doesn’t take care of her appearance, then no self-respecting guy will approach her. You don't need to do anything supernatural, just daily care is enough. After this, you already need to think about how to date a guy. This is the first step to success.
- Sociability. This human trait is important not only in relationships, but also in everyday life. If a girl is silent all the time, then the man will consider her not involved in the development of the relationship. Even if the chosen one is beautiful, this will not be enough. We need to maintain a dialogue, share our mood and news.
- Good mind. This is one of the main factors that a man needs from a woman in a relationship. It so happened historically that the chosen one must have a good mind. It is important to understand what and when to say and how to support your beau.
These are not all the reasons influencing the number of a girl’s fans. However, before you wonder “why don’t men pay attention to me,” there are common problems to consider. Sometimes this will be enough for the girl to begin to notice signs of interest.
Moral issues
Some girls have erroneous opinions about their appearance. As the psychotype test of women shows, the majority puts her in first place, to the exclusion of all other advantages. Undoubtedly, they pay attention to this, but this is not the most important factor that attracts men. Beautiful appearance serves as a lure, and in order for a gentleman to stay for a long time, you need to be an intelligent, understanding and interesting companion. In this case, only self-development will help. It is necessary to read special literature, practice and follow advice. In this case, the girl will no longer think: “Why don’t men pay attention to me?” After all, the most important thing is to understand the situation.
Small nuances of lack of attention
Men by nature can feel the psychology of their chosen one. If there is a treacherous woman in front of him, then he will say goodbye to her. After all, all people do not want to be deceived and suffer moral harm. Reasons why a girl is not given attention:
- She thinks too much about clothes, wears a lot of makeup, and wears provocative outfits. The girl thinks that this approach will help her, but this is not so. A good hairstyle and style creates an impression, but it is just the first impression.
- Difficult to communicate. Every man wants his chosen one to easily make contact and maintain a dialogue.
- Obsessiveness. If the chosen one is active all the time, then he thinks that in front of him is an insidious woman. It is necessary not to impose and pay attention as needed.
- Heightened self-esteem. This problem affects almost every person. Before dating a guy, you need to think about your self-esteem. A girl does not need to consider herself superior to others. After all, this is repulsive.
The most common mistake
Some girls have a trait where they show themselves to be too valuable and important in life. Before asking the question “why don’t men pay attention to me,” you need to throw off the conditional price tag. After all, girls behave as if they already have a boyfriend, and not even one. A man wants down-to-earthness and understanding. He gets scared when a girl positions herself as if she is some kind of commodity.
Often such women wear expensive clothes and a lot of jewelry. In this way they show their worth. The man thinks that he does not need to look at this girl, because everything is fine with her. To correct this situation, you need to accept the people around you as they are. It is important to stop pretending to be an expensive girl. It is necessary to come down from heaven to earth. Only then will men begin to pay attention.
Psychological reasons
Psychotherapists say that there are only three factors that influence a girl’s choice of a guy. For those who ask the question “why don’t men pay attention to me,” psychology gives this answer. You need to understand yourself and take specific actions. Factors that influence a man's choice:
- Appearance. This is the factor that men look at first. Even an ugly girl can improve her appearance. It is important to practice changing your image or hairstyle. The most important thing is not to get too carried away with improving your appearance. Everything should look natural. To improve her image, a girl can read several style books to dress well.
- Stereotypes. Most girls have stereotypes that do not allow them to do what is typical for them. This includes closeness, shyness, and constraint in choosing a wardrobe. It is necessary to emphasize femininity, and not hide it.
- Behavior. A common problem is when a woman behaves rudely and cynically towards the people around her. Such critical behavior will turn off any man. However, this may simply be a defense mechanism or a consequence of childhood stress.
To competently get rid of various complexes and prejudices, you need to turn to a professional. Only he can do everything individually for a person. If this is not possible, then the girl can read literature on psychology. For example, the book “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.” It well reveals all the differences between both sexes, and also talks about what motivates each person.
What attracts men in appearance
Girls pay attention to almost everything in their image. However, men look at what a woman looks like a little differently. They pay attention to:
- A smile. On first dates, men take into account how a girl takes care of her teeth. If you bleach them, he will definitely appreciate this action.
- Eyes. One of the most important aspects of a girl's appearance. At the first meeting, a man will pay his attention to their shape, color, cut, and so on. They especially like blue and green eyes, because they are very rare.
- Hair. Every man loves well-groomed, clean and pleasant-smelling strands. The difference in color does not change matters.
- Cloth. Most of all, the stronger sex likes feminine outfits.
Before your first meeting, you need to pay attention to these nuances. After all, the love of her chosen one depends on how a woman looks. Therefore, you need to do everything to please.
Why does a man need a girl?
The psychologist Sigmund Freud thought about this question. According to biology and psychology, relationships are necessary for procreation. A man always chooses only the best girl he considers to be the best. However, he needs more than just procreation. It is often very important for men to have support and support nearby. The strong half of humanity needs moral support just like weak girls. Many discoveries were made after women said the right words to their husbands. This suggests that a man needs a wise, intelligent, beautiful and interesting girl. In return, she receives protection, provision, support and entertainment.
Psychotypes of girls
Various psychotypes appear as a result of upbringing, life lessons, innate qualities, character, culture of the people, and so on. They can also change and combine under the pressure of events in the surrounding world. The most basic psychotypes are:
- Mother's behavior. Such girls care very much about the people around them.
- Predator. This is a girl who is trying to get a wealthy guy.
- Woman commander. Their character is similar to that of men.
- Girlfriend. Purposeful and kind individuals.
- Children's behavior. Almost always such girls behave like children.
Behavior can be corrected. However, it is best to do this with professional psychologists. Don’t be afraid of visiting a specialist, because there is nothing wrong with self-improvement.
