When it comes to the relationship between a girl and her boyfriend's or fiancé's mother, there is often a little tension. This complex relationship between two ladies has not lost its relevance for many centuries, and a huge number of anecdotes, folk wisdom and proverbs are great proof of this.
In this article we will look at the etiquette of meeting parents, the first meeting, and more precisely, its physical and emotional aspects.
We will not consider situations where there is an interracial, cultural, age, or ideological gap between two loving hearts. Let's take a standard couple with more or less similar worldviews.
When a girl meets a guy's parents, who should be the initiator?
First of all, you need to understand that the very proposal to meet your parents must come from the guy. Why is it important?
- Because if a man is in a relationship, then he is a real man, next to whom you can be a woman.
- If a young man talks about it, this is a good sign. The boy is ripe for a serious relationship, and really considers you the one and only beloved with whom he would like to share his life.
A situation where a young man is forced to introduce his girlfriend to his parents most often leads to negative consequences. Therefore, you need to be sure that your acquaintance is truly an act of goodwill.
I'm afraid to meet you!
Of course, anxiety creeps into the heart of every girl after an invitation to meet the groom’s parents. Fear is caused by several factors:
- life principle: the more expensive the relationship, the more difficult it is to hide excitement;
- and the understanding that at this meeting there will be a real assessment of you as a person.
Therefore the phrase : I’m afraid to meet people, this is the first thing a girl can say after realizing where her loved one invited her.
Simple advice: relax, don’t worry, don’t worry, etc. are very easy to say, but incredibly difficult to implement.
What to do? How to meet your parents when, even by simply admitting these thoughts, a very strong excitement begins, your legs turn to stone, your heart beats madly, and your tongue treacherously confuses your words.
Meeting a guy’s parents, whether it’s a logical transition to a new stage in a relationship or just a formality, always brings a certain amount of excitement. A hundred questions arise: “How to behave in order to please your mother?”, “What to wear, what to talk about?”, “Will I fit into the mold of their family?” Such worries are completely justified, because the first impression is difficult to refute, and mistakes made during the “look” can harm your relationship in the future.
Here you need to immediately make a reservation: not every acquaintance with a guy’s parents indicates his serious intentions towards you. Perhaps the initiator of the meeting is the boyfriend’s mother, who wants to control her son’s social circle. Perhaps he introduces each new boyfriend or girlfriend to his parents, and, naturally, he has no desire to marry them.
The decision to introduce you to members of your household may be dictated by simple uncertainty about your own choice. So he drags his chosen one to parent-teacher meetings so that they can watch, evaluate and express their final verdict.
So, you accepted his invitation, and the opportunity to demonstrate yourself “in all its glory” glimmered on the horizon. Do not give in or refuse under any circumstances; such behavior may be regarded by a man as an unpreparedness for a serious relationship and an unwillingness (even in the distant future) to consider his parents as mother-in-law and father-in-law.
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How to please a guy's parents - preparing for the meeting
Before accepting the invitation, find out whether the man really agreed on this visit with his parents. If you run in casually, no one will take you seriously, and the consequences may be negative.
For a meeting with a man’s parents to be successful, you need to be fully prepared. Therefore, discuss with him in advance the format of the meeting (family dinner, lunch in a restaurant, gatherings in the country or just a conversation over a cup of tea), the number of guests present...
Remember the folk wisdom “you meet someone by their clothes...” - this is exactly your case. The choice of outfit must be approached very responsibly - the length of the skirt, the height of the heel, the depth of the neckline and fishnet tights will be scrupulously assessed by the attentive eye of a mother. And even if the guy’s parents are “advanced” and creative people, it’s still better to choose something conservative for the first visit. If the outcome of events is successful, you will still have plenty of opportunities to demonstrate your unusual taste and creativity. Now the most suitable option would be an elegant dress or suit, albeit without unnecessary rigor. The same can be said about make-up. and a light, not too frilly hairstyle will definitely inspire more confidence and endear you to yourself.
To please your boyfriend's parents, prepare a small present in the form of a neutral souvenir, a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, a small bouquet or a potted plant. If you are not afraid of not being pleased with a gift, find out from your man information about the interests and preferences of his parents, and buy something more specific.
Meeting a guy's parents - making a good impression
Your main task is to guess the style of behavior when meeting a man’s parents. To make it easier for you to navigate, here are a few proven rules:
— A sincere and open smile is your main trump card, which will help you literally in the first seconds of meeting you to win your favor.
- Even if you have previously been here in the absence of your boyfriend’s other relatives, do not show your awareness and do not try to be in charge. Ask the man’s mother where to hang his coat and bag, where to get guest slippers, and where the bathroom and toilet are located. Also, don’t forget to offer your help with cooking or setting up the table, but if it’s not needed, don’t insist.
- Watch what you say and how you say it. Any word or phrase spoken out of place can be interpreted incorrectly. Also, you don’t need to chat incessantly, and in order not to seem like a beech, suggest a topic for conversation, carefully express your opinion and thoughtfully answer the questions put to you, which will certainly be asked.
Sometimes getting to know a guy’s parents smoothly turns into a deliberate interrogation: what, when and how? But try to survive this with the least possible consequences for the nervous system, even if the study of your biography has reached the point of illnesses that you suffered from in kindergarten. Don't hide your achievements, but talk about them without unnecessary boasting.
- If in the house of your chosen one you were met with obvious hostility or hostility, and the conversation only boils down to one goal: to humiliate and ridicule your son’s “new passion”, it is not at all necessary to show your ambition: make sarcastic attacks in response or leave, slamming the door. Rise above this and behave as naturally and unpretentiously as possible.
- Be restrained and do not demonstrate your feelings too violently. Excessive frivolity is not at all helpful in a tense situation. It is better to discuss this aspect with the man in advance even before meeting his parents. Constant kisses and hugs may be overlooked by dad, but mom will definitely remember and draw conclusions. Let the guy let you through at the door, kiss you on the cheek when you meet, or give you a little hug, nothing more.
After meeting the guy's parents
Often, our first impressions turn out to be deceiving, so you should not blindly believe that the relatives of your beloved man really liked you. Hypocrisy, even if it is dictated by good taste, has not yet been abolished. Time and the future behavior of the chosen one will tell the truth. If the first invitation is followed by a second, and even to some family celebration, this is a sure sign that you are liked.
By getting to know the parents, you can learn a lot of useful information. By observing the relationships of household members, their behavior and family structure, you can get an approximate idea of what a man will be like in marriage. Of course, a son does not always copy his father’s behavior, but if there are certain problems in his current family, perhaps they will also arise in your potential family. If his parents have been happily married for 20–30 years, it is quite possible that the son has adopted all family values from them.
Meeting a guy's parents is a very exciting moment. When meeting the family of their chosen one for the first time, many girls think about how to please his parents, create good relationships with them and make the right impression. So that your first acquaintance with them does not turn out to be your last, I will give some very valuable advice.
If you have been dating for quite a long time, and the guy trusts you completely, this is a good sign for the development of your relationship. If not, you should be well prepared. After all, the first acquaintance always subconsciously causes excitement, and following my advice, you will feel more confident.
How to behave to please his parents?
- Be punctual. Try not to stay late, but you don’t need to arrive much earlier. This situation will create some discomfort and tension.
- Be yourself. This makes it easier for his parents to please him. You should not overact or give inaccurate information about yourself. Excessive excitement and pretense in communication is felt by people subconsciously and, as a rule, is identified immediately.
- Choose beautiful and feminine clothes. It is better to put off revealing and overly sexy outfits. The boy's parents are pleased to see a well-groomed and attractive girl next to their son.
- Pay attention to your makeup. His parents are unlikely to like a girl with “war paint.” Your face is your business card, at this moment you should not look flashy, try to slightly emphasize your advantages. Use fresh, unobtrusive perfume.
— Communicate civilly and watch what you say. The slang inherent in the youth environment is not always understandable to people of the older generation, so for conversation you should choose topics that both parties will be comfortable talking about.
— Politeness and manners are one of the most important criteria. Respect for elders and standard rules of etiquette are the best helpers in deciding how to please his parents.
- When you first meet, try to seem normal. At this moment there is no need to demonstrate your talents and awards. Better surprise his parents with this after a couple of months of dating.
- Try to be nice and be able to carry on a conversation on any topic. Be considerate of their son. Every mother will be pleased to see and know that there is someone to take care of her son and feed him delicious food. Make it clear that you are the girl with whom he feels cozy and comfortable, then it won’t be difficult for his parents to please him.
— Buy, preferably together with your boyfriend, a small gift in the form of good wine or a box of chocolates. You shouldn’t spend money on expensive gifts; at this stage, it’s unnecessary.
Be prepared for any turn of events!
If you are thinking about how to please his parents, then you are taking your relationship seriously. Discuss with your boyfriend in advance what the format of the meeting will be and where it will take place.
Ask the guy about his family. Ask about their hobbies, work and family traditions. When meeting, do not raise topics that might be unpleasant to them.
The most important thing is not to worry and be prepared for appraising glances. You must understand that his parents are in a position where they hand over their beloved child to you, so it is their responsibility to make sure that you are a good girl.
Be prepared for the fact that you may not immediately be accepted as family. Many people of the older generation take a long time to get used to the idea that they have another relative to be reckoned with.
Don't be nervous and don't give ratings and characteristics after the first appointment. Even if his parents liked you, they will not necessarily praise you and shower you with compliments, because, believe me, they worry no less than you.
Be patient and don’t tell your loved one what was wrong. Try to leave some mistakes unnoticed. Be tactful in your communication and don’t be intrusive.
Question: “How to please his parents?” relevant at all times. Every girl strives to make a good impression and be accepted. The main advice is to smile more and listen. Let his parents initiate the conversation. Answer the questions and speak confidently about yourself. Try to find common topics and keep the conversation going by being yourself. The training book “Lady Confidence” will help you be confident, communicate easily and naturally, which tells you how to increase your self-esteem and start getting everything from life and from men!
When the candy-bouquet period ends in a couple’s relationship and they move into a more serious stage of their development, the question arises about such an event as meeting their parents. It largely determines the future fate of the couple and the possibility of creating a full-fledged unit of society, that is, a family.
Meeting parents is the goal
Just a few decades ago, the organization of a wedding for young people was entirely undertaken by the parents and bore both material and moral costs. And even if today the couple does not need such support and plans to take everything into their own hands, it will not be possible to bypass meeting their future closest relatives. Those who are interested in what is expected from meeting parents should answer that at a minimum, basic approval of the choice of their son or daughter. No one wants to spoil it from the very beginning, because this will invariably affect the relationship with your loved one.
How to meet a guy's parents?
Before going to a fateful meeting, it is recommended to ask your loved one in advance about the traditions accepted in the family, the work and hobbies of the future father-in-law and mother-in-law. Being knowledgeable in these matters is very beneficial, because it will help you avoid awkward situations and demonstrate your own interest, which will be flattering to future grandparents. The first meeting with a guy’s parents is exciting for both parties, so awkward pauses and phrases spoken at random will be natural and you shouldn’t worry too much about it.
Rules for dating a guy's parents
Those who are wondering how to meet the parents of a loved one should pay attention to the following rules:
- The young man should introduce you, but if for some reason he does not do this, you need to say hello and introduce yourself. The girl must remember that the initiative for shaking hands or kissing and hugging must come from the other party.
- Getting to know the guy’s parents will go off with a bang if you “catch the wave,” that is, consider the other person and try to adapt to him, conduct a conversation with your interlocutors in the same language.
- It is better to answer questions briefly and modestly, but praise addressed to the son of those to whom you have come is only welcome.
How to please your boyfriend's parents?
The most important thing is not to go to extremes. Do not flatter, do not be rude or be embarrassed, but try to behave naturally, but at the same time restrained, open and independent. Those who ask how to please their boyfriend's parents just need to try to step into their shoes. Who would they like to see next to their son? A kind, loving girl, for whom the main thing is family and... The latter presupposes a respectful attitude towards parents, which is why it needs to be demonstrated.
The well-known expression “you meet someone by their clothes” in this case works more than ever. And even if a girl considers herself to belong to some subculture and does not care about the rules of etiquette, for the sake of her loved one it is worth choosing something from the classics for the meeting, preferably a dress. So, getting to know the parents and how to dress in this case is already clear, will receive a favorable tone and will involuntarily set the adult half of those present towards the girl positively.
Here are other tips to help you make a good impression:
- If your boyfriend's mother is setting the table in front of you, offer to help, but don't be too intrusive.
- Any woman considers herself a good housewife and cook, so it wouldn’t hurt to praise a dish and ask for the recipe. Little by little, but it’s better to try everything that is offered.
- Of the several types of alcoholic drinks, it is better to choose the lightest one - wine. And under no circumstances should you abuse it.
How to meet a girl's parents?
Most of the advice given above is relevant here, but if the guy’s parents care more about the thriftiness of the future daughter-in-law, then the girl’s parents are more interested in the wealth and independence of the young man - his profession, the characteristics of his work. And even if they do not have special requirements for wages, they must make sure that their daughter will not need for anything. Therefore, the first acquaintance with the girl’s parents should demonstrate in a favorable light the best qualities of the applicant for the hand and heart of their daughter.
Rules for meeting a girl's parents
To ensure that the first meeting with parents does not end in failure, it is recommended to follow the following rules:
- Try to join their company, catch the mood. If it is customary for the family to joke, you can tell a couple of anecdotes, and if at the table they are discussing the work of poets or composers that are unfamiliar to you, you should simply express sincere interest.
- All questions must be answered firmly and confidently, and if they are interested in an opinion on any issue, then they should express their point of view, but not be too zealous and provoke a dispute.
- Meeting the girl's parents will be successful if the guy shows that he loves their daughter and intends to make her happy. It wouldn’t hurt to talk about your plans for the future, demonstrate your best sides, but don’t praise yourself.
How to please a girl's parents?
You can make an impression with just your neat and tidy appearance. Those who are interested in how to please their parents need to remember that a girl’s mother is, first of all, a woman and values attention. Do not skimp on compliments, but do not flatter. The father will pay attention to masculine qualities - the ability to do a man's work around the house, to stand up for himself and his loved ones. It’s easier for men to find a common language, and if you know about the hobbies of your future father-in-law, then asking him questions is always easy to get him to open up and learn more about each other.
When going to meet your parents, in both cases it is worth giving some kind of gift. It should not be intimate and purely personal. It's better to give something for the home. If you are about to meet your parents and don’t know what to bring, you won’t go wrong if you buy flowers for your future mother-in-law and take a bottle of alcohol with you. It is better to find out from the girl in advance what is customary to drink in their family and buy such a drink.
In general, you should try to behave at ease and naturally, without trying to please and please everyone, because this is impossible. Even if the first impression of meeting the parents is blurred or spoiled, a respectful attitude should be the main trump card. After all, even in this situation, there is an opportunity to improve in the future and earn the love of your loved one’s relatives if you want to continue through life with him.
Meeting parents in a timely manner if:
- the relationship with the girl lasts quite a long time;
- the relationship has already become serious;
- both parties expect to continue the relationship.
If one of the two is not sure that the relationship will be long-lasting, it is better not to force acquaintance with the parents.
Preparation
In order for the acquaintance to take place at the highest level, you should prepare for it. There are many nuances to be provided for, nothing to be forgotten. The first step to successfully meeting your parents is talking with the girl about them. Questions recommended for discussion:
- What do parents like?
- Their habits and preferences?
- How do they feel about their daughter's relationship?
- What are the features, topics, questions that should be avoided in conversation?
Gift required
Coming to a girl's parents for the first time empty-handed is a bad idea. In order to defuse the situation and make a positive impression right away, it is better to choose and purchase a small gift in advance.
Basic rules for choosing a gift for a girl’s parents:
- not too cheap and not very expensive. A cheap gift is unlikely to please anyone and will not characterize the giver from the best side. A gift that is too expensive may put parents in an awkward situation;
- appropriate to the moment. You should not give a gift of a comic nature; ambiguous gifts may be misunderstood;
- corresponding to taste. It is better to discuss the issue of a gift with the girl in advance. She knows her parents and their taste preferences better.
Gift options for mom can be:
- flowers;
- candies;
- decorative items;
- beautiful accessory;
- favorite perfume;
- a beautiful item for the kitchen (original dish, plate, etc.);
- scarf.
When choosing a gift, you should definitely consult with your girlfriend. What if her mother is allergic to flowers or sweets? It wouldn’t hurt to find out what perfumes, candies, and accessories she likes.
Gift options for dad:
- good alcohol;
- cigars;
- car accessory;
- tie;
- new computer game (possibly :)).
The gift is chosen depending on tastes and situation.
You can give something relevant to both parents at once. For example, tickets to a movie, theater, or concert. The main thing is to show attention and interest in communication.
Appearance
It is unlikely that parents will like it if their beloved daughter’s chosen one comes in a dirty construction uniform or excessively tight low-cut jeans. Of course, all people are different, and some may like an extravagant look, but it’s not worth the risk. Clothing on the day of meeting should be:
- clean, tidy. Nobody likes sloppy people. Parents who want the best for their daughter will not be happy with an unkempt young man;
- restrained in style. You should not wear a carnival costume, a rocker outfit, or things that do not match each other. Sneakers with a business suit will clearly confuse parents and create tension from the first minutes of communication;
- discreet in form. It is not recommended to wear shirts that are too bright or extravagantly cut. It is better to give preference to classic things: shirts, trousers, t-shirts in neutral colors, jeans without unnecessary details.
In addition to clothing, you should pay close attention to:
- perfume. The guy should smell like nice perfume. Don't overdo it;
- hair They must be clean and neatly combed;
- general condition. You shouldn’t go for a date if you have a cold or after a fun party. Sometimes it is better to postpone this important event and prepare better for it.
The process itself
When all the preparations are made, the gift is bought, you can go to the girl’s parents and meet them. First, you must arrive at the appointed time; you should not be late.
First impression
The most important thing when you come to meet a girl’s parents is to make a good first impression. If communication doesn’t go well on the first notes, it will be quite difficult to correct the situation.
The very first thing you need to do when you visit a girl’s parents:
- say hello;
- greet mom and dad;
- give gifts;
- note that mom looks great or give some appropriate compliment.
If there are younger brothers and sisters in the family It is imperative to provide a sign of attention for them: a toy, chocolate, etc.
After all the welcoming actions have been completed, the parents will probably offer to move to the table. Most likely, there will already be some dishes on it. A good move is to compliment the hostess about her hospitality.
If the option for meeting a girl’s parents is a family tea party, do not refuse the offered cup of coffee or tea.
Rules of etiquette
At dinner or a cup of coffee, it is better to behave as naturally as possible, but taking into account the rules of etiquette:
- do not slurp, do not “slurp” tea, etc.;
- do not talk with your mouth full;
- woo the ladies;
- note the taste of the dishes or the beauty of the table decoration;
- behave with restraint, do not make stupid jokes;
- be natural.
Rules of communication
It is clear that getting to know parents involves communication. And it is not always pleasant or expected. How to behave during communication:
- respect for parents. You need to address yourself as “You” and find out in advance the name and patronymic of each of the girl’s parents;
- good attitude towards the girl. The most pleasant thing for parents will be if they feel that their daughter is loved and needed;
- listen to the end and do not interrupt. Nobody likes not to be listened to. It's instantly off-putting. You need to listen carefully to the question or story, and then start speaking yourself;
- exclude sarcasm, irony and banter. These techniques are completely inappropriate when communicating with a girl’s parents. First of all, these are adults and you need to show respect to them. Secondly, irony can be misunderstood. You can and should joke, but carefully;
- Don't reveal all your cards. Tricky questions must be answered with restraint, to the point and briefly. A lot of unnecessary words will seem useless. You shouldn’t “turn your soul inside out” when you first meet, but remaining silent and refusing is also not the best option;
- be interested. You shouldn’t show excessive curiosity, but you can inquire about exciting moments in the conversation;
- do not touch on prohibited topics. Perhaps in this family there are topics that are forbidden to be discussed. It is better to ask the girl about them in advance and exclude them from the conversation completely;
- Be yourself. There is no need to pretend to be another person. The falsehood will be immediately felt and will be mistaken for a lie.
Parent Questions
You will have to go through the most crucial moment in communicating with parents and answer their questions. Don’t think that they want to find a catch and put their guest in a bad light. In fact, they just care about what kind of person is next to their daughter. 5 most popular questions:
Question 1. About the seriousness of intentions.
This question is inevitable, and it will have to be answered. If you are not approaching a wedding with a girl, you should not swear to her parents of fidelity and endless love for their daughter.
In life, everything can change, and then it turns out that these were empty words. It is important to indicate a respectful, careful, reverent attitude towards the girl. This will be quite enough if the visit did not have a specific purpose - to start a conversation about the wedding.
Question 2. About family, children.
The question of attitude towards family values and love for children will definitely be asked. In any case, you should answer according to your own feelings. The answer must be correct and gentle.
If there are no children in your immediate plans, you should not openly declare that children are only under the sign of death. You just need to emphasize that everything is ahead, and it’s too early to think about it, and your plans include a career/study/army, etc.
Question 3. About plans for the future.
The question about plans for the near and not so future can be answered directly. Everyone has their own plans and dreams, you can voice them. For example, graduate from college/go to university/find a job/build a career/start a family, etc.
Question 4. About myself.
What is your hobby? Where do you study? What kind of person are you? What do you like/dislike? etc. There are plenty of options. When answering, you can talk about your interests, hobbies, and positive character traits. The main thing is not to over-praise yourself and not look like a narcissistic braggart. You can objectively talk about your successes and achievements.
Question 5. About parents.
You can tell about your parents, what they do, who they are, etc. There is no need to delve into family relationships and reveal all the nuances.
Stop topics
There are points that should not be discussed when meeting a girl’s parents for the first time; meeting parents is not tolerated:
- dark stories from the past, negative character traits of a guy can scare away and alert;
- family troubles between parents, conflicts are best not mentioned;
- religion, politics– slippery topics for discussion. You shouldn't touch them if possible. When talking about these topics, it is easy to offend your interlocutor or cause conflict;
- girl's shortcomings. It will be unpleasant for parents to hear and discuss any mistakes of their daughter;
- intimate questions, below-the-belt jokes. It’s not even worth explaining that this is simply unacceptable;
- mutual acquaintances. Don't gossip or discuss mutual friends. It's ugly and inappropriate.
Approach to the girl's mom and dad
Men and women are built differently. One must also seek an individual approach to them. To find the key to your father's location, you can discuss topics that are important to him.
Fishing, hunting, cars, sports, news - find out from the girl what her dad is especially interested in and prepare. How to meet a girl's mother? Mother's favor can be obtained by noting her culinary abilities, cozy home environment, beauty, and hospitality.
End of dating
After dinner and conversation, you need to catch the moment when it would be better to leave. Staying too long or rushing to run away is bad manners. If the moment has come, before leaving you should definitely:
- thank you for a wonderful evening, dinner, reception, etc.;
- once again note the attitude towards the girl and respect for the parents;
- politely say goodbye.
If you met your parents, then most likely the test has been passed and you can breathe out. When meeting parents, you need to be attentive, polite and careful. You will have to act according to the situation, think quickly and accurately.
However, no matter in which family, social status, income the girl lives, must be observed:
- smile;
- listen attentively;
- to be polite;
- be yourself.
And then, any acquaintance with parents will be at the highest level, and the visit to this family will not be the last.
How to meet a girl's parents on video:
