Ways to increase self-esteem and gain self-confidence. How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for women, men and children. Advice from psychologists

The secret of failure lies in self-doubt. Few people are able to appreciate their own strengths and weaknesses; moreover, the problem often stems from childhood. We are taught that we should not be arrogant or boast of successes, we need to be modest. As a result, many men and women grow up with self-doubt and, in adulthood, do not know how to get rid of the problem and increase self-esteem.

What is self-esteem

It is necessary to understand the terms. Self-esteem is the ability to understand, accept one’s strengths and weaknesses, and soberly assess opportunities, successes, abilities, and prospects. A person with normal self-esteem does not seek to compare himself with others (and it does not matter in whose favor the comparison is), but accepts himself as a separate, formed personality.

However, people tend to be skeptical about their own talents. Complexes that arise due to self-esteem can relate to everything - appearance, intelligence, abilities, career prospects, education, personal life. Depends on what problems a person had in childhood. For example, a boy who was overweight will continue to consider himself fat as an adult if he does not understand how to increase his self-esteem.

Low

Low self-esteem is a common problem. People suffering from such complexes are unable to perceive themselves as smart, beautiful and successful; they are sure that they will never succeed in anything well. A person with such a problem tends to constantly compare himself with others. In addition, signs of this self-esteem problem include a tendency to be overly self-critical.

High

The opposite problem is high self-esteem: people suffering from it tend to consider themselves smarter and more beautiful than everyone around them, which is why they find themselves in unpleasant situations. They can grab onto a task that is a priori too tough for them, or compete with obviously stronger opponents. They are unable to see their own shortcomings and cannot work to eliminate them. Self-esteem and self-confidence are directly related to upbringing. Such a problem may arise, for example, in a girl who has been told that she is better than everyone else.

Character changes throughout life, a person can always develop an adequate approach to increasing self-esteem, his problems and successes. For successful psychological work, there are several methods for increasing self-esteem. Much depends on what caused a person’s low self-esteem. Sometimes you can cope with a problem on your own, sometimes success requires the help of a psychologist.

To a woman

Often a woman's self-esteem suffers due to problems related to appearance and success in her personal life. Try following these simple tips:

Stop comparing your appearance to your friends or models.
Take a good look in the mirror and find at least five enviable features. This could be luxurious thick hair, a beautiful breast shape, an elegant neck or an unusual eye color. Figure out how to focus on your strengths and disguise your weaknesses.
Live the way you want. Don’t try to start a relationship with a man just “for show.”
Think about your hobby. Success in any field is the best path to success and how you can increase your self-esteem.
Learn to proudly accept compliments and agree with them, rather than deny and blush. Go out in public nicely dressed as often as possible - unobtrusive flirting, even with random young people, greatly increases self-esteem and self-confidence.

To a man

Men's complexes are often associated with education and career and, in the absence of visible success, few people know how to raise self-esteem. Try to solve the problem like this:

Speak in public more often, talk about your successes, get used to being visible.
Set a worthy goal for yourself - for example, a good position or purchasing an apartment in the city center. Then you will be able not to look back at those who have achieved modest success and not be jealous in vain.
Attend master classes, courses and business trainings. There you can not only improve your skills, but also meet professionals.
Try to limit your interactions with people who make you feel like a failure. Communicate within your circle – incl. material, then self-esteem will not suffer.

Teenager

Low self-esteem in teenagers is the most common problem. At a young age, a person is very vulnerable, and a girl or guy can develop complexes because of sheer nonsense. To avoid this, you need to follow simple tips:

Determine exactly what causes the complexes and whether it can be corrected. If it's a matter of appearance, new clothes, a hairstyle, going to the gym or swimming pool to lose excess weight can help out.
Try to ensure that the teenager communicates in his circle of peers, where there is no one to envy. Often children, when surrounded by peers from wealthy families, begin to develop complexes due to their lack of a fashionable phone, car, or jewelry.
Find out what you do best and develop your talent. Those who sing at school concerts, play basketball, or are great at movies can gain authority among their peers.
Try to earn your first pocket money. It’s always nice to feel like an adult, and not a child who asks his mother for a hundred rubles for lunch. This will greatly improve your self-esteem.
If the problem is lack of attention from the opposite sex, try getting into another company. The situation will change there.

Child from 4 to 12 years old

Low self-esteem in a child is a complex problem, and when dealing with it, you need to accurately determine its origin. Often troubles come from family or school. Try these techniques:

Find out if your child is doing well at school. Sometimes it is better to transfer from a specialized class to a regular one: there he will not fall behind, and self-confidence will return.
Find out who your child is friends with. If other children are showing off expensive toys or phones that you can't afford, try to get your son or daughter out of that company.
Choose a club or section. Success in a hobby has a great impact on self-confidence.
Tell your child more often that you love him. Look at family photos together and discuss how wonderful your family is.
Remember what successes you have achieved. A certificate of commendation for the last academic year is already excellent!
If the problem cannot be solved at home, contact a child psychologist: a small child cannot always clearly explain what is bothering him.

Ways to increase self-confidence

If you don't know how to increase your self-esteem, try following the tips that are easy to find today. Cinema, literature, special training or even music can explain how to increase self-confidence and become a happy person. It's better to start with the simplest methods. Sometimes the problem is solved unexpectedly quickly and easily.

Exercises

Auto-training: repeat out loud the words about your strengths several times.
Write a list of past successes.
Help people, then you can feel useful and indispensable.
Speak in public as often as possible.
Forgive yourself for previous bad actions and problems, even if they hit your self-esteem.

Trainings

Not everyone has the opportunity to attend special trainings or master classes for self-assessment, but you can try to do something yourself:

Train your determination and willpower: quit smoking, go on a diet, play sports, etc. Finish what you started!
Chat with strangers. People with low self-esteem can be shy: get over it by asking questions on the street.
Meditate. A calm person exudes confidence and success.
Ask your friends to tell or write what they appreciate about you.
Play: imagine that you need to describe yourself from the outside for a stranger. Write an essay about yourself in the third person. Think about what needs to be emphasized!

Low self-esteem is a very serious problem for many girls, because it threatens them not only with disappointments in their personal lives, but also with failures in the professional field. What kind of self-esteem can be considered low and is there a way to increase it?

What is self-esteem

Normal self-esteem

So, if you have adequate self-esteem, then we can say that you are very lucky. People of this type are characterized by a realistic assessment of their capabilities. Such girls are not afraid to set serious goals for themselves, and have a clear idea of how this goal can be achieved for them. There is also an opinion that only a truly mature person can have normal self-esteem - this is possible both at sixteen and at forty.

A high self-evaluation

Perhaps, people of this type are considered more unpleasant personalities for others than others. It is noteworthy that often they do not even realize that their self-esteem is truly inflated. However, some believe that only such people are capable of achieving great goals - with a certain amount of luck this is true. However, the main problem of arrogant people is that they quickly lose true friendships due to their own reluctance and inability to admit their mistakes. Also, such people greatly overestimate their importance in the world around them - at work, among friends, in family, and so on. They are rarely able to sincerely apologize, because they are often unaware that they may actually be doing wrong. As a rule, one makes friends and communicates with such people only because of possible benefits or out of hopelessness.

Low or low self-esteem (reasons and symptoms)

Life is hardest for girls who are prone to low self-esteem. Most often, the reason lies in improper upbringing on the part of parents or other problems during school years. What is characteristic of a person whose self-esteem is clearly low? As a rule, it is almost immediately apparent that a girl is unsure of herself. Most often, she is uncommunicative and rather reserved - she is very afraid to voice her opinion, even if she is asked about it. In addition, such a girl shows initiative only in the most extreme cases, preferring to act on someone else’s orders. She often thinks that she looks stupid or inappropriate, and if representatives of the opposite sex begin to show interest in her, she immediately begins to look for some kind of or a catch. Girls of this type prefer not to attract attention to themselves, and if they have to be in some company, then they will be calmer if they remain practically unnoticed.

Family relationships

Many people know that most complexes follow a person from childhood, and if parents do not notice or even provoke some kind of problem in the child’s self-esteem, then it will probably fully manifest itself in adulthood. If your parents did not give you enough attention and love, but at the same time found the opportunity to criticize and regularly make various demands, then probably now your self-esteem is somewhat low. Also, comparing your child with his friends, in favor of the latter, does not have the best effect. The child gets used to feeling worse than others, and this habit continues into adulthood.

Peer relationships

A very important factor that deserves close attention. If as a child you had any characteristics or talents that were treated with ridicule by your peers, then this is a very serious reason for concern. Due to the disapproving attitude of friends and classmates, it is difficult for a child to accept himself and this feeling of some “wrongness” accompanies him into adulthood. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that if family relationships are good and the child receives an adequate upbringing, then the influence of peers will most likely not affect his future life. If you notice that your children are uncomfortable in the company of their peers, then this is a serious reason to change the environment of your kids, as well as carry out psychological work with them.

First love

Falling in love for the first time - in childhood or adolescence - can also have a big impact on self-esteem. In general, here we can mention relationships with the opposite sex, in general. If a girl was liked by boys, then this would probably have a positive effect on her own self-image. However, if the boys not only did not notice her, but also mocked her, this could negatively affect the formation of female self-esteem. In addition, it also matters what the girl’s first love was - mutual or not. If a crush develops into a romantic relationship, this is a good sign, but if the girl is rejected, this will probably affect her self-esteem.

Ways to increase self-esteem in a woman or girl

Accept and love yourself

If you suffer from low self-esteem, then the conclusion suggests itself - you urgently need to increase it. First of all, realize that no one is perfect, even if you think they are not. Don't dwell on your shortcomings, many of which you probably came up with yourself - these are just your characteristics. Instead, pay attention to your strengths. If you think that you don’t have any, then you are mistaken. Look for the virtues in yourself until you find them! It is also possible that you are one step away from some kind of advantage. Perhaps playing sports will give you an ideal figure, makeup lessons will teach you how to use cosmetics as effectively and successfully as possible, cutting and sewing courses will allow you to create winning outfits for yourself. Be that as it may, in your case it is very important to love yourself under any circumstances, even when it seems to you that you are not worthy of this love. Become your main support, and your life will begin to improve.

Stop comparing yourself to others

People with low self-esteem, when comparing themselves to others, usually do so not to their advantage. Realize that any comparison is an absolutely useless exercise that will not lead to anything good. Of course, it’s another matter if, by comparing yourself with someone, you gain an incentive to become better yourself. In the case when everything ends only in self-flagellation and bad mood, this habit must be abandoned. Everyone is different - everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages, even if it seems to you that there are exceptions. Don't compare yourself to anyone - just take care of yourself and improve yourself, without looking at anyone.

Down with self-criticism

Self-criticism can only be useful if it stimulates you to some new achievements. Unfortunately, girls who suffer from low self-esteem only make things worse by criticizing themselves. Mentally returning to your imperfections again and again, you only drive yourself into depression. Instead, find a reason to praise yourself. Also encourage any of your small victories - buy yourself some goodies, take care of yourself.

Be a little selfish

Many women with low self-esteem are very prone to sacrifice. Believing that they do not deserve love in themselves, such individuals try to “deserve” or “earn” love and attention. This may manifest itself in relationships with your husband or friends. You may be susceptible to this too. Examples of such behavior: you give expensive gifts to people, infringing on yourself; you spend time on their affairs, pushing your own concerns into the background; you regularly adapt to other people's plans, even if it is inconvenient for you, and so on. If you notice something like this in yourself, then it needs to be changed urgently. Learn to put your needs and desires first - at first it will be unusual for you, but then you will feel all the benefits of such tactics.

Believe in yourself and your success

Don't doubt yourself and don't belittle your worth. If you want to achieve something, then do not deprive yourself of this opportunity! If you don’t make an attempt, then everything will remain the same, but if your efforts are crowned with success, your life will sparkle with new colors - believe that this is exactly what will happen! To put yourself in the right frame of mind, periodically read biographies of successful people.

If you don’t like something about yourself or your life, then only you have the power to fix it! Self-development and self-improvement will never be superfluous. Take time to learn new things and take care of your health and appearance. Be attentive to your health, periodically sign up for useful cosmetic procedures, expand your horizons. You can start living a truly interesting life if you want to! Very few people have it easy, and if you think that someone is very lucky, but you are not, then most likely it is not a matter of luck at all, but of hard work on yourself. Think about what qualities you don't like about yourself, leave a plan by which you can fix it, and stick to it.

Forgive yourself for defeats, praise for victories

Many girls are very sensitive about their defeats. Such a development of events most often drives them into a depressed state and significantly undermines self-confidence. If this is your case, then it is useful for you to learn to ignore such mistakes, only to learn the necessary lessons from them. At the same time, you should develop a completely different attitude towards your victories. Remember your achievements, reward yourself for them by giving yourself small or large gifts.

More positivity and optimism

It is very important for a girl suffering from low self-esteem to learn to think positively. On the Internet you can find many techniques in this regard, but the essence is the same - no matter what happens, look for the positive aspects in it, even if it is quite difficult. Try not only not to talk about negative topics, but also not to think about them. Control yourself - after thinking about something bad, immediately switch to more pleasant thoughts. In any situation, initially set yourself up for success, and it will accompany you!

Fight your fears. If you feel uncomfortable in large companies and get lost in conversations with people you don’t know well, then this can be fixed. Public speaking courses and periodic visits to crowded places can help you. Try to meet your fear halfway, and then it will begin to recede. Acquire new knowledge. If you are not yet comfortable attending any courses or master classes, look for the necessary lessons on the Internet. So you can learn a foreign language, learn to sew, dance and much more. The more new skills you acquire, the higher your self-esteem will be. Do not communicate with people who lower your self-esteem. If there is even the slightest possibility of this, completely cut off contact with them. Such communication will only harm you, and under such circumstances it is very difficult to achieve a positive result. At the same time, try to be more often in the company of people around whom you feel confident and comfortable. Pay special attention to taking care of yourself and your appearance. People who are afraid of drawing attention to themselves are usually afraid that some shortcoming will become obvious to others. You don’t have to live with this feeling - find any way to correct in yourself what confuses you and limits you in communicating with other people. If you have enough time to engage in self-criticism and indulge in despondency, then it’s better to direct it completely a different direction - set big and small goals for yourself, make plans on how you can achieve them, and then start implementing your plans. And under no circumstances think that you won’t succeed. If you really want something, then it is achievable, even if not on the first try. The main thing is to start taking action, because usually the first step is the most difficult.

To become successful (no matter where exactly) you need to have confidence in your own capabilities. It is extremely difficult for a person with low self-esteem to achieve success and even just become happy: their whole life is built on doubts, disappointments and company in themselves. And at this time, bright moments fly by, stopping in front of those who are confident in their capabilities. Today we will think about how to increase self-esteem and love yourself using simple and effective techniques.

This is a person’s understanding of the importance of his own personality and individuality in the context of relationships with other people, as well as an assessment of his qualities, pros and cons. Self-esteem plays a huge role in normal human activity in society and in solving various everyday problems: fulfillment, family, finances and spirituality.

This quality performs the following functions:

protection – ensuring stability and relative autonomy of a person from the opinions of other people;
regulation – provides people with the opportunity to make personal choices;
development – providing an incentive for self-improvement.

Ideally, self-esteem is built only on a person’s own opinion of himself. However, in real life, it is influenced by multiple side factors, for example, the assessment of others: parents, peers, friends, and colleagues.

Experts call adequate self-esteem (or ideal) the most accurate assessment by a person of his skills and abilities. Low self-esteem often leads to excessive doubt, introspection, and withdrawal from activities. An overestimate is fraught with loss of caution and making multiple mistakes.

It is important to know! In psychological practice, low self-esteem is more common, when a person is not able to reveal his own potential, and in especially severe cases, experts talk about an inferiority complex.

What does self-esteem affect?

So, the meaning of adequate self-perception is to “love” yourself in the present – even with minuses, shortcomings and various “vices”. Everyone has flaws, but what distinguishes a confident person from others is that he, first of all, notices his successes and is able to present himself favorably to society.

If you hate yourself or just think of yourself as a failure, how can another person love you? Psychologists note an interesting fact: most people subconsciously (and perhaps knowingly) gravitate toward communicating with self-sufficient individuals. Usually they prefer to choose such people as business partners, friends and spouses.

Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

People with similar problems most often have the following character traits:

Low self-esteem makes a person perceive temporary failures and problems as permanent “life companions,” which leads to incorrect conclusions and wrong decisions. Feeling bad about yourself? Prepare for the fact that others will react negatively to you. And this is already fraught with alienation, depressive moods and even emotional disorders.

4 reasons for low self-esteem

It is extremely difficult to indicate all the factors influencing a person’s attitude towards himself. Psychologists include congenital characteristics, appearance and position in society. Next, we will look at the four most common causes of low self-esteem in humans.

Reason #1.

Have you heard the phrase that says that every problem “grows” from childhood? In our situation, it fits one hundred percent. At an early age, a direct dependence of a child’s self-esteem on the attitude of parents and other significant adults towards him can be traced. If mother and father constantly scold and compare children with their peers, they will not have faith in their own abilities.

Psychological science claims that the family is the center of the universe for a child. In the unit of society, absolutely all the character traits of a future adult are formed. Lack of initiative, uncertainty, passivity are the consequences of parental attitudes.

Reason #2. Childhood failures

We all face failure, the most important thing is our reaction to it. Psychological trauma in childhood can cause low self-esteem. For example, a child begins to blame himself for his mother’s divorce from his father or family scandals. The constant feeling of guilt turns into uncertainty and reluctance to make decisions.

In addition, children react sharply to any harmless failure. Took second place in the competition? An older person will simply redouble his efforts to achieve a goal, while a little person may give up the activity altogether, especially if a significant adult has traumatized him with ridicule or a careless remark.

Reason #3."Unhealthy" environment

Adequate self-esteem and aspiration arise only in an environment where success and achievement of results are valued.

If people from the immediate environment do not strive for initiative, it is difficult to expect confidence from an individual.

We are not saying that it is necessary to completely refuse to communicate with such people (especially if they are close relatives). However, it’s worth at least thinking about whether you have also been captured by a similar disregard for self-realization.

Reason No. 4. Features of appearance and health

Quite often, low self-perception appears in children and adolescents with unusual appearance or congenital diseases. Yes, relatives treat their “non-standard” child correctly, but he is not immune from the opinions of his peers, who, unfortunately, are ruthless, like all children.

A common example is fat children who in preschool and school institutions become owners of the most unpleasant and offensive nicknames. Low self-esteem will not be long in coming in such situations.

How to increase self-esteem: effective methods

If a person has realized his problems and decided to raise his self-esteem, he has already taken the first step towards confidence. We offer some of the most effective and efficient recommendations.

Change of environment. Negative people are not the best company for a self-doubting person.
Psychologists advise reconsidering your own social circle by including successful, self-confident individuals who have a positive attitude towards you. Gradually, the person will regain confidence and self-respect.
Refusal of self-flagellation. It is extremely difficult to increase self-esteem by regularly blaming yourself and speaking negatively about your own abilities. Experts recommend avoiding negative assessments regarding your appearance, personal life, career, and financial situation.
The priority is positive judgments.
Avoiding comparisons. You are the only such person in the world: unique, unique, combining advantages and disadvantages. In addition, it is quite easy to find people who have achieved much greater success in any field of activity. A possible option is to compare yourself (with new achievements) with the old one who does not want change.
Listening to affirmations. This difficult word means in psychological literature short verbal formulas that create a positive attitude in the human subconscious.
The affirmation should be formulated in the present tense so that the person perceives it as a given. For example: “I am a beautiful and smart woman”, “I control my own life.” It is better to repeat such phrases in the morning and before bed, and you can also record them on a voice recorder.
Performing unusual actions. The desire of a man or woman to escape into a personal comfort zone and “hide in a shell” is quite natural.
In a difficult situation, it’s easier for us to console ourselves, our loved ones (loved ones) with goodies, alcohol, and tears. We don’t encourage you to do extreme sports, just try to face the problem face to face.
Attendance at the training. In large cities, trainings, courses and seminars are regularly held to help increase confidence and self-esteem. Of course, it is necessary to find a real expert in psychology, and not “farmers”, of which, unfortunately, there are also plenty. Another option is reading psychological literature and watching feature films and documentaries on the topic.
Playing sports. One of the most accessible opportunities for raising self-esteem is playing sports. Regular physical exercise makes a person less critical of his own appearance and more respectful of himself. During sports exercises, people release dopamine - the so-called joy hormones.
Diary of achievements. Both the girl and the young man are helped by diaries of their own successes, in which they should make notes about each of their small victories and achievements, even small ones. For example, every day 3-5 “little things” are written down in a notebook like this: we took grandma across the road, learned 10 new foreign words, earned 500 rubles more this month than last month.

Increased self-esteem is closely related to feelings of self-guilt and self-rejection. How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a man and a woman? It is very simple and, at the same time, difficult - be kinder and more tolerant of your own personality. The following methods will help you with this.

Adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are not science fiction, but a very likely development of events. The most important thing for a person is to understand the importance of changes and have the desire to go in the right direction: changes in personal life, career, appearance. Remember that self-love in some situations must be earned by going through dissatisfaction and self-deprecation.

Hello, I am Nadezhda Plotnikova. Having successfully completed her studies at SUSU as a specialized psychologist, she devoted several years to working with children with developmental problems and consulting parents on issues of raising children. I use the experience gained, among other things, in creating articles of a psychological nature. Of course, I in no way claim to be the ultimate truth, but I hope that my articles will help dear readers deal with any difficulties.

52 comments to the article “ 8 ways to increase self-esteem and love yourself»

My grandmother constantly told me as a child that I have ugly ears, nose, eyes and in general I’m all so-so, and I don’t need to be too much of an upstart, I need to be like everyone else... I still can’t completely eradicate it. But traveling increased your self-esteem when in different countries you catch thousands of admiring glances from men, young men, and boys. When they want to meet me or take a photo with me. THIS is what specifically cured me.

As a person with low self-esteem, it helps me a lot to keep a diary of my achievements. When I start to doubt myself, I re-read the useful things I’ve done and my mood instantly improves!

A person is like a tree, if it has grown a little crooked, it can no longer be straightened out) No matter how much you “beat your head against the wall,” but, as we were programmed from childhood by our parents, kindergarten-school and close circle of friends... this is how we will eke out an existence all our lives . The most offensive and paradoxical thing is that it turns out that our parents, without knowing it themselves... made us so unhappy. Because their parents made them unhappy, etc. and it’s unlikely that a psychologist/psychiatrist will change the situation much, and the person himself understands himself even less... therefore, re-read at least a thousand articles, and you will remain the same complexed creature, just like that.

You are not right. Reminds me of a little green goblin! Stop blaming your parents for your shortcomings. If you are not a teenager and over 19 years old, you must be responsible for your own life and not look back to the past! How can you compare a person to a tree? And even if they compared, think about it: if the trunk is crooked but growing, can it be directed in the other direction? Thus, giving it not a standard, even shape, but something much more beautiful and interesting? (YES IT IS POSSIBLE AND EVEN NEEDED) The brain develops up to 25 - 27 years. You can independently educate the person you want to see in the mirror every morning!
I absolutely agree with you.
A person is not a tree. I do not agree. A person is capable of change.

The world around us is a mirror for every person, reflecting his own inner world. This means that your vision of the world depends on your own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and attitude. Another important component of relationships in society is a person’s self-image, his own assessment of his personality.

The formation of self-esteem is influenced by various factors, among which are upbringing, social environment, and characteristics of professional activity. Oscar Wilde said that self-love means a lifelong romance. And this is true, because an individual feeling of happiness, peace and well-being of a person is possible only with an adequate assessment of oneself as a significant person and acceptance of one’s individuality. To learn how to increase your self-esteem and find specific ways to increase your self-esteem, listen to the advice of a psychologist and try doing exercises aimed at increasing your self-esteem.

How we evaluate ourselves

American psychotherapist K. Rogers, the author of the famous client-centered psychotherapy, believed that the main component of the personality structure is the “Self-concept” - a person’s idea of himself, which is formed in the process of socialization, in other words, in his interaction with society. This process involves the internalization mechanism—the acceptance of other people’s assessments of one’s personality as one’s own—as well as the identification mechanism—the ability to put oneself in the place of another person and thus evaluate one’s personality.

Each person at birth has a personal phenomenal field - an empty space of life experience. In the process of individual development, this field is filled, the person’s personal “I” begins to appear, and his “I-concept” is formed. Rogers believed that the final point of personal development is self-actualization - the realization of all potential possibilities.

Self-esteem is a central component of the “I-concept”, because it is a person’s rational assessment of himself, his capabilities and qualities that provides a real opportunity to achieve his goals. Self-esteem performs a protective and regulatory function, influences relationships with other people, behavior and human development. Self-criticism and demands on oneself depend on it. Self-esteem is the basis of a person’s attitude towards his successes and failures, the choice of goals of a certain level of complexity, which characterizes the level of a person’s aspirations.

We can distinguish specific types of self-esteem, based on its individual characteristics:

Reality: adequate and inadequate self-esteem (low or high). Adequate self-esteem allows a person to be critical of himself and correctly assess his strengths and capabilities. Inadequate self-esteem manifests itself in overestimating or underestimating one’s strengths and capabilities.
Time: retrospective, current and prognostic. The first characterizes a person’s assessment of his past experience, the second characterizes his current capabilities, and the last characterizes a person’s opinion about his possible successes or failures.
Level: high, medium and low. The level of self-esteem itself is not so important, because in different situations and areas of activity self-esteem can be both low and high. For example, a person is competent in the field of finance and has a high level of self-esteem in this area, but he does not know how to manage household chores and rates himself rather low in this matter. A high or low level of self-esteem does not play a key role; first of all, it must be adequate.

The famous American psychologist W. James proposed determining the level of self-esteem using the formula:

Self-esteem = Success/Level of aspirations

Level of aspiration- this is the upper limit of a person’s achievements to which he strives. This may include different types of success: career, personal life, social status, material well-being.

Success is a specific accomplished fact, specific achievements from the list of aspirations of an individual.

Obviously, psychology offers two ways to increase self-esteem:

reduce the level of claims;
or increase the efficiency and effectiveness of your own actions.

The level of aspirations is influenced by various successes and failures in a person’s life. If the level of aspirations is adequate, a person sets realistically achievable goals. A person with a high adequate level of aspirations is able to set fairly high goals, knowing that he is able to successfully achieve them. A moderate or average level of aspiration means that a person is able to cope well with tasks of an average level of complexity and does not want to increase his results. A low and even low level of aspirations is typical for a person who is not too ambitious and who sets fairly simple goals. This choice is explained either by low self-esteem or by “social cunning.” Psychology explains the latter as a conscious avoidance of complex tasks and responsible decisions.

Self-esteem is formed in childhood, when a person’s capabilities are in a state of development. It is for this reason that an adult’s self-esteem is often underestimated when actual capabilities are much higher than personal ideas about them. Having understood the features of the formation of self-esteem and its types, it becomes obvious that working with this component of personality means precisely raising self-esteem to an adequate level.

Raising self-esteem is not an easy process, but there are no limits to a person’s capabilities. You will be given effective advice from a psychologist on how to raise your self-esteem, among which you will also find effective exercises.

Tip #1. You shouldn't compare yourself to other people. There will always be people around you who will be worse or better than you in various aspects. Constant comparison will simply lead you into a blind corner, where over time you can not only develop low self-esteem, but also completely lose self-confidence. Remember, you are a unique individual, find your strengths and weaknesses and learn to use them depending on the situation.

Exercises: Write a list of your goals and the positive qualities that will help you achieve those goals. Also create a list of qualities that are a barrier to achieving your goals. This way you will understand that your failures are a consequence of your actions, and your personality has nothing to do with it.

Tip #2. Stop looking for flaws in yourself and scolding yourself. All great people have achieved heights in their field by learning from their own mistakes. The main principle is that a mistake forces you to choose a new strategy of action, increase efficiency, and not give up.

Exercises: Take a piece of paper, colored pencils and draw yourself the way you want to see yourself, with all the attributes of success. You can also come up with and depict a personal symbol of success. Drawing will help you better express your desires and increase your confidence.

Tip #3. Always accept other people's compliments with gratitude. Instead of “no need”, answer “thank you”. With this response, human psychology accepts this assessment of one’s personality, and it becomes its integral attribute.

Exercises: try using special statements (affirmations). Several times during the course of the day (at the beginning of the day, it is necessary) clearly and thoughtfully pronounce the phrases “I am a unique, unique person,” “I can achieve this goal,” “I have all the necessary qualities.”

Tip #4. Change your social circle. Our social environment has a key influence on lowering or increasing self-esteem. Positive people who are able to give constructive criticism, adequately assess your abilities and increase your confidence should become your constant companions. Try to constantly expand your social circle and meet new people.

Tip #5. Live according to your own desires. People who constantly do what others ask of them will never learn how to improve their self-esteem. They are used to following other people's goals, living a life that is not their own. Do what you enjoy. Work where you feel respected and where you can realize your abilities. Try to travel more, make your old dreams come true, don’t be afraid to take risks and experiment.

Exercises: Make a list of your desires and make them realistic goals. Write down step by step what you need to do to achieve these goals and start moving in the chosen direction. You can also create a route for your next trip, make it unusual. If you usually go to the sea, then this time go hiking in the mountains. You may not even be aware of your own capabilities because you have never tried to leave your “comfort zone.”